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Duke Nukem vs. Serious Sam
Duke Nukem vs. Serious Sam is Season 3 Episode 8 of Draconic Alchemist's One Minute Melees. Description One liners and guns. Yeah, this one was a long time coming. What will happen when Duke Nukem takes on Serious Sam? Warning: the following fight is packed with NSFW language. Viewer discretion is advised. Intro One Minute Melee! Where all the fights are settled in 60 seconds! TWO FIGHTERS! NO RESEARCH! 60 SECONDS! MELEE!!! GO! (Cue Main Menu; 0:00-0:08) Player 1 moves from Doomfist to Duke Nukem. Player 2 Moves from Ash to Barry and waits a little bit before moving to Serious Sam. Ready? Yes. (Main Menu fades out.) Fight Who do you want to win? "It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I'm all out of gum." "Yeah, it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye." Year: 20-Who-Even-Gives-A-Fuck In the middle of an evacuated city, “Serious” Sam Stone is seen using a minigun to mow down an army of alien freaks, Sam continuing to move around the area to avoid the aliens’ attacks. He takes down the last small one, just in time for a bigger one to appear. Sam takes out the XPML21 Rocket Launcher and fires at the large bastard, who avoids the missile, allowing it to continue into the sky as Sam fires another rocket, this one hitting the alien right in the head, blowing it to bloody chunks. Meanwhile, the missed missile continues through the air, pointed towards a private plane. Inside the plane sits Duke Nukem, chugging down a beer, two women around him. Duke Nukem: “...And that’s how I managed to prevent my first probing.” The two women laugh with Duke as the missile comes closer, nobody in the plane noticing, except for the pilot. Woman 1: “So, what about the second time an alien tried probing you?” Duke: “Well… Um…” Pilot: “EVERYBODY, GET OUT! INCOMING MI-” BOOM!!! The plane explodes in a fiery ball of holy fuck. From the explosion, only one manages to get out: Duke himself, drifting down to the ground on a parachute. Not aware of what he had just caused, Sam grabs some ammo inexplicably dropped by the alien. He takes a few steps to an exit from the area, just to hear somebody land behind him. Sam looks at the landing spot, seeing Duke. Duke: “Hey, you!” Sam: “Who, me?!” Duke: “You’re gonna pay for shooting up my ride!” Sam: “Fuck off.” Duke cocks the Ripper. (Cue My Pride; 0:00-0:13) Duke: “Listen here, you no-name wannabe!” Sam: “‘No-name wannabe?!’ Well, if you want to be so damn ignorant, let me tell you a little somethin’: I am Sam…” Sam takes out the XM214 minigun. Sam: “...And Sam… I… AM!” The minigun revs up. Duke: “Well, if that’s how you want to settle things, then it’s time to kick ass and chew bubblegum… and I’m all out of gum!” This encounter won’t last forever! FIGHT!!! 60 (My Pride; 0:13-0:39) Sam fires a string of bullets, forcing Duke to run to the side while he fires a string of bullets of his own, forcing Sam to the side as well. The two continue to circle each other while firing, both just ahead of the other’s bullets. Duke’s Ripper runs out of ammo after a bit, forcing him to take cover behind a parked car. 56 Sam stops firing and heads for the car, keeping the minigun reved. As he turns the corner, however, Duke blasts him with a shot from his shotgun before following up with a kick from his left foot, his Mighty Boot forcing Sam to drop his minigun onto the ground. Duke follows up with another shotgun blast, prompting Sam to take his own 12-gauge Pump-Action and fire back. Duke: “How can you take such a hit, you poser?” Sam: “...Says the egotistical shithead who took it as well.” 49 Duke whips out a pistol in his left hand and takes a quick shot to Sam’s shin. Sam falls down a bit, meeting the butt of Duke’s shotgun. Duke puts both guns away and takes out a flamethrower, quicky spraying flames in Sam’s direction. Sam backs away from the flames, avoiding them completely. He fires back with two Shofield Uzi Pistols, quickly unloading them into Duke. Duke steps through the fire until he could fire a grenade launcher at Sam, the explosion sending the two flying away from each other. 43 Sam is sent splatting onto the side of a building’s third story, right up in the brickwork. Sam notices Duke getting up and takes out his colt Anaconda. Sam fires the pistol as he falls back down to the ground. Duke slides across the hood of the car, avoiding the fire. Sam lands with a roll, allowing him to quickly get up and run towards Duke, firing as he does so. Duke fires back with a pair of submachine guns, running towards Sam as he does so. The two get closer, with Duke just an arm’s length away when Sam runs out of ammo. 35 Sam tosses the gun to the ground and punches Duke in the chest, followed by a punch to the head, which Duke ducks with deliberate detail. Duke follows with a stab from a knife, which Sam quickly avoids, even grabbing Duke’s arm afterwards, twisting the knife out of Duke’s hand. 33 (My Pride; 1:58-2:36) Duke quickly returns from another kick from his mighty boot, shaking Sam off. Duke: “You know what they say: the Boot is mightier than the sword!” 28 Sam steps back as he takes out the XL4 Lasergun, using it to fire twin lasers at Duke. Duke rolls out of the way as he takes out the Plasma Cannon and firing, hitting Sam in the chest. Sam continues to fire at Duke, who continues dodging the lasers, but gets hit by a few, one of them knocking him onto the ground. 23 Duke notices a medkit underneath the bus next to him and grabs it, restoring his health a good bit. Duke rises and fires from an RPG, the rocket headed right for Sam, who leaps out of the way as it hits the fuel truck behind him, forcing it into the building behind the two, blowing it up and causing it to crumble to the ground, with a single piece of the fire falling onto the alien bastard from before, causing it to light on fire. The two pay no attention to that, however, as Sam takes out the same XMPL21 Rocket Launcher that got him into this mess, firing a rocket at Duke, who also leaps out of the way. This rocket, meanwhile, just blows a large hole into the side of the bus, charring the seats inside. 15 Duke: “Time to get serious, Sam!” Duke takes out the X-3000 and charges it up. Sam takes out his jetpack and flies upwards as Duke fires, electricity flying everywhere and turning all the alien corpses into ash, but managing to miss Sam, who gets out of range, using his Schofield Pistol to fire into Duke’s arm, making him stop firing the X-3000. Sam continues to fire as Duke runs behind the bus and puts on his own jetpack, allowing him to fly up across from Sam. 10 Duke flies closer with his flamethrower out, but Sam swerves away from the flames and uses a chainsaw to cut into Duke’s jetpack. 8'' Duke, before he could fall, grabs onto Sam, dragging him down with him. ''7 The two fall onto the ground, with Sam’s jetpack taking the impact, smashing it to disrepair. Sam shoves Duke off, forcing him behind the parked car. 5'' Duke seemingly comes back out slowly, pistol in hand. ''4 Sam: “Let’s see who can really nuke around here!” Sam fires the XMPL21 Rocket Launcher again. 2'' The rocket explodes… but Duke is seemingly still standing there. ''1 Sam, before he could react, is frozen by the real Duke and the freezethrower. 0'' Duke: “Hasta la vista, Sammy!” Duke uses his Mighty Boot to smash Sam into tiny pieces. '''K.O.!' (Silence) The Holoduke (which Sam was actually firing at) starts to glitch out. Holoduke: “It’s time to kick gum and chew ass… and I’m all out of ass.” The real Duke takes a puff of his cigar as he recalls the Holoduke. Duke: “How the fuck do they all fall for that one?” Results (Cue Theme Music ) This melee's winner is... Duke Nukem! Duke: "Hail to the king, baby!" Category:Gun Fights Category:'Video Games' themed One Minute Melees Category:PC Video Game themed One Minute Melees Category:2019 Category:'Hero Vs. Hero' themed ONE MINUTE MELEEs Category:FPS Themed One Minute Melees